When you walk into a room, do you feel like you belong there? Or do you walk in extra nervous?

Everyone gets nervous! Remember Elvis? He got nervous every time right before going on stage — but he knew he had the skills and had practiced for it, so he was confident.

I used to compete in Jiu-Jitsu, and I got nervous a lot. Half the time it was for real reasons — I hadn’t done the work. Other times, I had done the work and felt super confident.

There is a lot of advice out there on “confidence,” which is… strange. It skips the truth: you don’t “get” confidence once and keep it forever. It’s not a badge.

There’s a process — and if you know it, if you’re honest with yourself, and if you keep running the drills, it sticks.

Get Honest With Yourself

Ask yourself a few hard questions:

  • Am I prepared? Did I use a method that works?
  • Do I believe I should be in this room?
  • Have I earned the right to speak here?
  • Do people here value what I bring?
  • Do I even like the work I’m doing?

Add your own. You’ll know what matters for you.

If you’re not prepared, you’ll feel it. If you don’t think you belong, you’ll sound unsure. And if you hate the work, speaking with conviction will feel fake.

We skip this part too often. We think that because we got invited, or our name’s on the project, we should feel confident automatically. But confidence comes from knowing your skill, doing the work, and believing you bring value.

When you know you belong, and you’ve put in the hours, you’ve got a base to stand on.

The Real Definition of Confidence

You’re not born with it. It’s not a personality trait you either got or you don’t.

Confidence is knowing your work is solid, tested, and respected.

If you don’t feel it, deep down, you probably know you haven’t done enough. Find the gap. Close it. Practice until you know you’ve closed it.

  • Confidence → Good work, done well, with control over your skill.
  • Lack of confidence → You know your work isn’t there yet.
  • Arrogance → You think you’re untouchable. Usually means your work hasn’t been tested for real.

Confidence isn’t about you — not fully. It’s about the people you’re talking to. If you’ve done the work, and you focus on serving the room, you’ll speak differently.

Most people mess this up by focusing only on themselves. Yes, how you look and sound matters — but so does the question, “How do I help them?” You get both right, you’ll be fine.

The Formula

  • Practice → Builds your skill. Do it again. Then again.
  • Paranoia → Keeps you sharp. You care what others think because this isn’t a fight — it’s a network
  • Preparation → Seals the deal. Start early.

Speaking With Confidence Anywhere

Life’s rarely as high-pressure as we think. Confidence isn’t a muscle, not really a skill either — it’s a habit. You build it by working at your craft every single time.

Take Cristiano Ronaldo. He’s confident because his skills are razor-sharp. But they stay sharp because he trains, stays hungry, and never assumes he’s safe. That small fear of losing what he’s built keeps him working.

Same for speaking. You drill the process and it becomes natural. Doesn’t need to be fancy or modern — just the basics, done over and over.

Clarke